4 episodes yesterday and one already today.I'm scared to death. Each time I get out of one its like stepping off the plane again. Each time its torture. The last one yesterday has been the worst and longest yet. 8 hours at least. Probably more.

It started at the court house, I refused to sign the seperation papers. I wouldn't go through with it. I couldn't. Geno threatened not to take me to the airport if I didn't sign, but I reminded him that if he didn't take me that I wouldn't vacate the tenancy at Hardcorts nor would I get on the plane, so he relented. I signed the papers at Hardcorts and we drove down to Auckland. We waited at the airport and when the flight came up on the screen to go through customs, I walked over, but then I refused. 

I wouldn't go through. I couldn't. I turned around to see Geno waiting. I walked over and told him I couldn't do it. He was happy. He didn't want me to go and was just being strong for me. We laughed and we joked on the way back to Whangarei, saying the next day we would go back to hardcorts so I could be put back on the tenancy agreement. I then come out of it.

In the middle of a restaurant, I begin crying and wailing, and I can't control it.