Let me first start out by saying that I am still having blackouts every day. I am still having hallucinations every day. Any progress I have made is superficial. What I mean by that is I am learning to cope and function better. I do not feel better today than I did on November 9th when I got off the plane. I feel worse. Emotionally I have reached a point where I can either break or fight. Anyone who knows me well knows that when something pushes me, I will push back. I will fight and I will stand my ground even if I think I will lose.

And I do think I will lose. I don't think this is a fight I can win. I am getting as much support as I can muster. I can laugh, I can giggle, I can smile, but on the inside I don't mean it. It's just me being polite, its just me trying not to show people how much I hurt inside. Some people have seen me cry. Only one person knows what I lost last Thursday. I told her cause I had to tell someone. No one has seen me at night when I am alone in my room. Alone... Just typing that word gives me flashbacks, flashbacks to events that never happened.

I've had these episodes described to me as so many things, disassociative disorder, anxiety attacks, hallucinations, day dreams, and even a coping mechanism for my mind. I think at first they probably were hallucinations caused by an anti-psychotic that I was taking as a sleep aid. I think now they are more. I think that my mind saw a benefit to them, it used them as an escape from reality. Now its a coping mechanism gone bad. These episodes have reached a stage where I don't even remember a lot of what has happened to me. Oh sure, I can tell you what happened, I've kept journals most of my life, and I have journaled extensively since I discovered Geno cheated on me. 

I can tell you what I wrote, I can tell you about how I felt based on those entries, but I feel like those events took place in another life, like they didn't happen to me. It's hard to describe in words but the best I can come up with is that Real Sarah went into an episode, and the episode Sarah has returned. I know those things happened to me, and I kind of remember them happening, but its like something that has happened 20-30 years ago, kind of fuzzy and you don't remember the details.

I've been asked "If you don't remember the details, how can you really say that you hate it here?" I am not basing my hatred of living in the Washington Area on the 6 years I spent in New Zealand. I am basing it on the years I spent in the last episode. I logged every event I had, its episode length, and its contents. I haven't even begun to log this Thursday's episode. I don't know where to begin. I don't mean that figuratively, I literally am having trouble differentiating real memories I have from the events that happened in the episode. 

Isolation

How do I avoid Isolating myself? My mother is one of the biggest triggers. Her driving drives me crazy, but I need her to drive me around without a license. My father weaves in and out of the lanes because he can't use both arms so I dont feel safe when he drives me.

I need to get out more, but that would mean being picked up by someone else or having my mother drop me off. I hate this feeling of dependence.

A letter to my 15 year old self

Dear Sarah,

I am Sorry. I am very very Sorry. In the next 5 years you will stop fighting who you are. You will be terrified of rejection from those around you. You will drop out of school to pursue a GED and early college, and then not go. You will seek treatment for G.I.D. and then break your leg leading to a Pulmonary Embolism the week after getting a referral for Hormones. You will work in a job you hate, lying to everyone around you so you don't need to face the truth yourself. You will isolate yourself from all your friends and family to the point where you have no one. You will live in such filth that it becomes common place and you take it for granted.

In 5-10 years your isolation will be complete, you will have no one except friends who are online. You will spend your weekdays in your room sleep rotating around the clock unchecked. Weekends you might come out to go watch football, or you might not. Doctors will be unwilling to treat your G.I.D. while you are on blood thinners, and they will be unwilling to take you off blood thinners while you isolate yourself in your room all the time. You will meet a boy from New Zealand while playing an MMORPG. The two of you will fall in love. 

In 10-13 years you will move to New Zealand. For the first time ever you will feel free. You will get married. You will live true to yourself for 2 years. Happy, content with life. You will do everything you can to see that your new Husband succeed with his schooling. You will do everything you can to see that your new Husband succeeds with his career. You will seek out employment for him when he has given up on himself. He will land a job that YOU applied for, thinking that he was responsible and never thanking you.

In 13-16 years you will live in Hell. Your new husband who has been such a wonderful influence on your own life, encouraging you to try to be more for yourself, will give up on you. He will ask you to stop living as Sarah, and fearing that you will lose him if you say no, you agree. He will stop taking you places. He will stop calling you Sarah. He won't take you to the Gym. He won't take you to the pools. He won't teach you to drive. He won't help pay for your schooling. He will expect more and more from you until your reach the point that you can't keep track of everything he wants. 

Then he will cheat on you. You will return to the United States thinking its the only thing left to do. You won't return to succeed, you return to exist. You don't think you can succeed anymore. You will hate it in Silver Spring. You will think that its too crowded. You will think everything takes too long. You will think that your childhood house should be torn down. You will suffer such feelings of sadness, of failure, of loneliness, of hopelessness, of regret, of hatred, that you will spend every waking second wishing to die. You will plan on ways to kill yourself, and you will again be hospitalized. When they discharge you, you will leave the hospital and feel worse than ever. You will spend two days trying to cope with things before going back to the hospital where they wont admit you because you are in the day program.

You will go to the day program, you will feel each day is getting worse and worse. The counselors won't know what to do, they wont be able to give you an answer on what you should do over the long weekend. You won't be able to make the promise that you won't do something to hurt yourself. They will hospitalize you again. You will begin having episodes at the hospital, episodes where you are living in New Zealand for hours at a time. You will have these episodes at night, so you will think they are dreams. They will offer to send you to a longer term facility which you will turn down because you think that everything is getting better. They will offer to put you in a experimental drug program, which you will turn down because it requires blood infusions. 

You will be discharged from the hospital back into the day program. You will feel like you are getting better for a couple days. You will begin to experience the episodes during the day. You will begin the hallucinate. You will begin to have more and more episodes until one day they suddenly stop. You will feel like maybe now you can move on with life, maybe now you can learn to drive, maybe now you will be able to get a job or go to school, maybe now you might be able to find a place to live on your own. 

You will then have another episode... You will live in New Zealand again. You will be there for years, you wont even be able to number them. You wont be able to remember what year it is when you come out of the episode. You won't be able to remember how you returned to the United States or even WHY.  You will have forgotten even who your new friends are. You will feel like all the progress you have made as been undone. You will begin to think about how to kill yourself again. You will begin to plan it. You will then be stepped down from the full day program to half a day.

And that is where I am now. Feeling like I am back at the beginning. Feeling like I just stepped off the plane from New Zealand. Wishing that I was dead. Making plans on how to kill myself in the event that I choose to. I've given the medication long enough to take effect. I've given the counselors and therapists enough time to try and help me reach a stage where I feel like I am at the very least beginning to get better.

Again, I am very sorry Sarah. I let you down. I let myself down.

-SarahAnn

New Episode

Another four episodes today, one this morning before leaving, one in group therapy, one in life skills group, and finally the last which just hit now before bed. At least I am hoping that it will be the last one tonight.

The first episode had me sitting at home in Abbotsford watching the Chiefs play and listening to the crowd as they react to something which has yet to be aired. Nothing special happens, no big grand fantastical thing which might give meaning to these visions. (Total Time elapsed: 2? hours)

The second episode I was sitting at Toll Stadium waiting for the Warriors practice to start. In this version of events I was shooting the practice so I had my camera with me and I was making sure everything was looking okay on it and getting light readings. The warriors eventually came out and I proceeded to photograph the practice until I snapped back. (TTE: 90 min)

The third episode was a bit harder to deal with. I'm back at Wha Street sitting on the old loveseat we had. It is getting late but I wasn't expecting Geno back until 12:30 anyway. I start dinner around 12 and by the time Geno gets home its just finishing. We sit down to eat and watch a movie before we head to the Hub to download some youtube videos. I'm sitting there complaining about my poor connection when I snap back. (TTE: 5? hours)

The most recent episode had my at Abbotsford again sitting at the computer playing Guild Wars, besides me is Geno doing the same thing. Thats it, we just talk and laugh and have fun playing on the computers. We eat a dominos pizza at some point but then we resume playing. (TTE: 4 hours)

These episodes may not seem like much, but its not what occurs in the episode that traumatizes me. Its coming OUT of the episode. Returning to THIS life is like stepping off the plane at Dulles all over again, and I'm doing it multiple times a day. Its not making it any easier, if anything I am beginning to want these episodes to happen more, I want them to happen for longer periods. I would be happy to lose myself in one of these episodes and never return.

I'm scared because I know this is real, I know the '5-4-3-2-1' technique to reorient myself when coming out of an episode, but I don't care that this is real anymore. I rather live happy in a fake world than like this in the real one. I have no hope of recovering living in this environment that I am in. None at all. I'm convinced now that my mind is creating these episodes to escape. They have ALL taken place in New Zealand, I don't want to go there, but at the same time I am not safe living here.

I can't return to living in this filth, I just can't. My mind is going to continue to rebel against it. These events will continue and will probably increase in duration and occurrences if I stay.

4 episodes yesterday and one already today.I'm scared to death. Each time I get out of one its like stepping off the plane again. Each time its torture. The last one yesterday has been the worst and longest yet. 8 hours at least. Probably more.

It started at the court house, I refused to sign the seperation papers. I wouldn't go through with it. I couldn't. Geno threatened not to take me to the airport if I didn't sign, but I reminded him that if he didn't take me that I wouldn't vacate the tenancy at Hardcorts nor would I get on the plane, so he relented. I signed the papers at Hardcorts and we drove down to Auckland. We waited at the airport and when the flight came up on the screen to go through customs, I walked over, but then I refused. 

I wouldn't go through. I couldn't. I turned around to see Geno waiting. I walked over and told him I couldn't do it. He was happy. He didn't want me to go and was just being strong for me. We laughed and we joked on the way back to Whangarei, saying the next day we would go back to hardcorts so I could be put back on the tenancy agreement. I then come out of it.

In the middle of a restaurant, I begin crying and wailing, and I can't control it.

I'm scared, I've been experiencing something this last week that I had never experienced before. I'm calling them flashbacks but not all of them take part in the past. They aren't all memories. The second most recent one I know took place in the present, and I know it wasn't a memory.

I blink and suddenly I was in New Zealand again. I'm sitting there in the big char by the wall and we are planning a trip to the gold coast for January. I look at the clock on the surface and realize its time to head to cricket. I grab the camera batteries from the charger and grab the camera bag and we head out to the car for a drive to Cobham. We get there and Geno drops me off before driving away. I set up along the rope and then go inside the pavilion to wait for the start of the match. When the players take the field I head back out and start shooting.

At some point I blinked again in New Zealand and Im back in group in the hospital, holding the same conversation that was going on before I had my episode.

Comics

Been trying to organize all my digital comics over the past month or so. Its quite easy to do as long as you have 2 (maybe 3) programs.

To manage the library theres none better than ComicRack.

To add metadata tags to the comics, I tend to prefer using Comictagger over any of the ComicRack plugins. Theres a couple reasons for this. First off, ComicTagger allows you to add ComicLover tags to the files as well as ComicRack tags. Now for PC users this means absolutely nothing, but Mac users appreciate it. Even better than that is ComicTagger allows me to change my ComicVine API code very quickly so I don't have to wait for 15 minutes after every 200 comics. When tagging series like Action Comics, Batman, Superman, and Detective Comics this is a very big plus as each of those series is more than 600 comics long.

Now the third program I use is called 'Bulk Rename Utility' and honestly, it is a godsend. Much too often comics are named in such a way that comicvine confuses Issue number as part of the series name, or heck, sometimes the comics name is just plain wrong. This tool allows me to rename entire series quickly in such a way that Comicvine can grab the series title, volume, and Issue # and then tag the comics. Everything this program does however is temporary because after I tag the comics, ComicTagger can then rename the files and I follow the Format...

Series Name v[Volume #] #[Issue #] ([Year of Publication]) - Issue Name

This has so far worked for me.

Now though I come to my first major gripe. There are a few scanners and scan groups out there who have a tendency to either put their scanner tags BEFORE the cover Image or in some cases, such as the DCP Archive, outright replace the cover with something of their own. This not only screws up tagging programs such as ComicTagger, but because Comicrack shows the first image as the cover in your library, you end up having dozens if not hundreds of comics displaying scanner tags instead of the cover.

Listen, I'm not opposed to scanners taking credit for their releases. If they want to add tags to comics at the end that is FINE with me, Most people are still going to see them. Just dont screw with the covers and dont put your own tag BEFORE the cover. I have begun to manually remove every tag that replaces the covers in my collection and I must say, it seems limited to a few groups (thankfully) but those groups tend to cover the big series like Batman, Superman, Spider-Man... So yeah, my point is just dont be an asshole. Put your tags in the filename and at the end where they belong.

Some of my Favorite Books (Historical Fiction)

Its quite close between Historical Fiction and Fantasy over which is my favorite genre. I've read more Historical Fiction than any other genre out there. Heres some of my favorites.

Historical Fiction:

Bernard Cornwell - The Grail Quest:

The Grail Quest (S): Story of a young englishman whose village is raided. Lost in the raid is the village's most prized possession. A relic claimed to be the lance of Saint George. The story takes place during the time of the 100 year war and by the end he finds himself in France.

Sven Hassel - Legion of the Damned:

Legion of the Damned (B): Tells the story of a German soldier during World War 2 on the eastern front. Sven is a deserter who has been sent to a punishment tank regiment. There he has to fight to survive against the Russians.

Conn Iggulden - Genghis: Birth of an Empire -  Emperor:

Genghis: Birth of an Empire (B): Great story that tells the life of Temujin and his life from birth until founding the worlds greatest empire as Genghis Khan.

Emperor (S): The story of a young Gaius of the Julii family as he is thrown into the world of politics where he is forced to plot and scheme just to survive.

Gary Jennings - Raptor - Aztec:

(Note: Gary Jennings is my favorite author, I had a lot of trouble choosing which Books to feature. Check out His other works, Spangle and The Journeyer, as well.)

Raptor (B): The 'memoirs' of Thorn, an Ostrogoth who hides a secret, 'he' is a hermaphrodite, a person who has the genitals of both a male and female. At a young age he is sent to a monastery, where he is soon found to have female parts. He is sent to a convent where it is discovered he has male parts. Kicked out of both he travels through the Roman Empire searching for the other Ostrogoths.

Aztec (S): A series which begins with the tale of Mixtli and his life from before the Spanish arrival in America and later his travels through the countryside and then working with the spanish. Unfortunately Jennings Passed away after writing the second book, his estate has hired other authors to finish the series based on Jenning's notes he had for further books.

Some of my Favorite Books (Science Fiction)

I've not really read a lot of science fiction. The majority of it is rather mainstream stuff. Nevertheless I am going to jot down my favorite authors and books.

Science Fiction:

Sarah Bayen - G11:

G11 (S): The computer has taken over the ship and now runs day to day life. Adults enter cryogenic sleep until making landfall, leaving their children at the whim of the computer. This story used to be widely available online, Books two and three in the series have become difficult to locate. I have uploaded them HERE (Book 1), HERE (Book 2), and HERE (Book 3) so you can read them if you'd like. If you enjoy the books they are available from amazon as well and I suggest you support the author.

Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game - Shadow Saga

Ender's Game (B): Overcrowding on earth has restricted parents to two children per couple. Ender, a 'third', is selected by the military for training in their elite school in space. The school may teach other things, but the primary function is to host the 'game', a zero-gravity battle arena where students are taught war tactics and leadership skills.

Shadow Saga (S): Following the war students are sent back to earth and as each student as seen as a brilliant conqueror by their nations, political strife is rife.

Frank Herbert - Dune

Dune (B, S): Paul's family is given command of the only planet known to have 'spice', a drug that is needed to navigate space. When this leads to conflict Paul finds himself living amongst the natives and learning that his destiny may be far more than he thought.

Some of my Favorite Books (Fantasy)

I have mentioned that I am a big book reader. Theres really only a couple genres I dislike. I don't care for mysteries, mostly because I can figure out "Who dun it" within a few chapters, and of the mystery books I have read, NONE surprised me at the end. If you know of any REALLY GOOD surprising books let me know in a comment. The other genre I dislike, though don't have much experience with, is romance. I do like to read 'literotica' online and there have been a few stories that were available in print, but I have yet to read any romantic or erotic literature that would find success in mainstream shops.

So what genres do I like? Well to be honest I like most of them. I have read everything from Historical Logistics reports to Dr. Who novels. My favorites though are Historical Fiction, Fantasy, and Sci-Fi. To avoid turning this into a post that never ends I will try to limit myself to 1 Book and 1 Series per author. I'm also going to break up the post by Genre. Books will be marked by (B) and series by (S), if I haven't read anything outside the series posted I won't list a book.

Fantasy:

Raymond Elias Feist - Magician - The Empire Trilogy:

Magician (B): This book tells of the story of a young man who is discovered to have power and taken as a magician's apprentice. His nation soon finds itself at war with an invading host and he and his friend Tomas are swept up in the conflict. Its a great story of love, loss, and reunion with plenty of political intrigue.

The Empire Trilogy (S): This series is co written by Janny Wurts. It focuses on Mara of the Acoma, a young girl who finds herself head of one of the houses of the Tsurani. Its a tale of political intrigue, assassinations, and general life within the Empire of Tsuranuanni.

George Raymond Richard Martin - A Song of Ice and Fire:

A Song of Ice and Fire (S): If you like fantasy books and haven't read this series than I feel sorry for you. Its the series that has spawned the TV show Game of Thrones. Full of political intrigue, assassinations, battles, romance, and mystery, this series is one that simply cannot be missed.

Jennifer Roberson - Chronicles of the Cheysuli:

Chronicles of the Cheysuli (S): More political intrigue (starting to see a pattern?), assassinations (okay, you SHOULD be seeing a pattern here), battles, and magic. It tells the story of the Cheysuli, a race of people who are being hunted down and their attempts to restore their birthright as leaders.

Brent Weeks - The Night Angel:

The Night Angel (S): A story about a young street urchin who is taken on as an apprentice to a 'wetboy' (type of assassin) and his transformation into one of the best in the world.Full of (you guessed it) political intrigue, assassinations, battles, magic, and romance.

TV Shows...(Not Sci-Fi)

Okay, I covered some of the Sci-Fi shows I like in the last post, but thats just one genre and there are many more out there. So how bout we cover some of the other shows I really have enjoyed (why do I ALWAYS type that word as enjoied?)

Band of Brothers: This is one of my favorite shows. I love history, especially World War 2 history. I have read countless books, both fiction and non-fiction, that cover the war. This show is great, its based of a book that I have not read (but plan too) so I can't actually speak on the quality of the adaption. However I can tell you that there are a few vets who I have spoken with who fought in Europe and told me "If you want to know what it was like, watch Band of Brothers or the opening to Saving Private Ryan."

Breaking Bad: While not my favorite show ever, its up there. I know it has won a lot of awards and that I just jumped on the bandwagon after the fact to see what everyone was talking about, but really it is simply that good. I love watching the fall from school teacher to drug cook.

Game of Thrones: Its not a TERRIBLE adaption of the books, it is missing quite a bit but thats always going to happen. So if its a bad adaption (but not terrible) why is it on this list? Because its EPIC. Its testament to just how great the book series is that so much can be left out while still creating an awesome TV series. Which do I like better? I'll wait until both are complete to decide on that.

The Walking Dead: When this first came out I had never heard of the comic. I used to read a lot of mainstream comics such as Batman and Spiderman. I had heard of Image but couldn't tell you any of their comics other than Spawn. My Guild Wars guild mates were watching it but I really wasn't that interested in it. They convinced me to give it a shot and I was blown away. Any time a show opens with a child being shot in the head you know its something thats not going to hold anything back. I think it was that opening scene which both shocked and hooked me to the series.

Dexter: I love the books. Apart from Season 1 they pretty much abandoned basing the show on the books, which in my opinion was a good call. Since Dexter was supposed to be such a prolific serial killer there was bound to be many more stories to tell and I think they did a pretty darn good job with them. Except the ending. The ending was TERRIBLE.

House (M.D.): One of my favorite shows ever. Hugh Laurie is hilarious and he brings just enough humor to the show that its not all gloom and doom. I honestly have not finished season 8, mostly because as long as I don't finish it theres still more House for me to watch and its not ended... Sad I know, but its been my favorite series for a long time.

Six Feet Under: I laughed when my mother watched this show. She wanted to be a mortician and I found it bizarre. It wasn't until about 7 months ago that I watched the series for myself. Its quite funny and well worth watching. I honestly just watched it because it had Dexter (or at least the actor who plays Dexter) in it.

There you have it, my top 7 TV series I have watched in the last year.

TV Shows...(Sci-Fi)

I don't watch a lot of TV. In fact our TV isn't even hooked up to receive TV signals. Instead we have it hooked up to to our computers so it can act as a second monitor. I honestly don't miss TV all that much. Boring commercials, boring shows, never anything you really want to watch, just something to pass time.

Thats not to say that I don't watch TV shows. There are quite a lot that I have watched and enjoy, even some that are still ongoing. Recent shows I have watched include Game of Thrones, Dexter, The Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, Dr. Who, and Breaking Bad. These are all shows that I have watched in their entirety. Is this dedication, fanaticism, or just downright mad? No, not really. If you cut out commercials, you can watch 4 episodes in the same time that it would take you to watch 3 with them.

I used to like Seinfeld. I used to adore Simpsons, Futurama, and all those cartoons. Now though I really don't care for Sitcoms, in animated variety or otherwise. Sadly the genre I really liked seems to have been left behind. All the great sci-fi shows from the 90's and early 00's have been canceled or just run their course without any replacing them. So what were my favorite Sci-fi shows?

X-files holds a special place in my heart. I grew up watching the show, staying up late to watch it come on right before Outer Limits. I remember following these two our local fox station would go into static until the news at 6.

Battlestar Galactica is one I just recently finished watching. It was amazing. I know that it was based on an earlier series, which I haven't watched, so I don't know how it compares to that one. However that still doesn't stop me from saying its one of my favorite Sci-Fi shows I've seen.

Stargate series used to come on before some other show I would watch on Sci-Fi channel. I can't remember which but I found myself tunning in an hour early just to watch it as well. I've not sat and watched the entire series, though I do have it downloaded so I intend to do that at some time.

Without doubt my two favorite series though are Dr. Who and its spinoff, Torchwood. Being American I didn't have any exposure to the show until I saw it on TV when I first arrived in NZ. I can honestly say its one of my favorite shows I've ever seen on TV if not my favorite. I had no understanding of the Doctor or how they accounted for his appearance changes when a new actor comes on, so it was a bit of a shock after the first season of the 2005 relaunch. I still tear up each time the doctor regenerates.

Torchwood, well really I just love Captain Jack Harkness. However the final season was just awful and while I would love to see a return to the offbeat stories of seasons 1 and 2, I doubt we will be seeing a 5th season of the show.

Now what about what I think of other shows? I think I'll split this post into two and cover them later.

Hooked on 'Project Zomboid'

I love zombies, I went over it a little in my DayZ post but I think I'll go into it a big further here. I am a big fan of zombie games, books, movies, whatever. Some of my favorite books are Day-by-Day Armageddon, Zombie Survival Guide , and World War Z (which is NOTHING like the movie incase the movie is holding you back from reading the book.)

Movies have been hard to come by. Good ones that is. There are plenty of bad ones out there. Most zombie films have become a mix of horror/comedy. You have pseudo-zombie movies like 'I am Legend' or zombie films such as '28 days later' and '28 weeks later'. But none are really that good.  'The Walking Dead' is EASILY the best portrayal of zombies on screen. It is a rather good adaption of the comic, and keeps the fear of the zombie paramount even when there are other problems.

Sadly, most games treat zombies as something to go out and hunt rather than something to be feared. Games like Dead Island, Left for Dead, Dead Rising, and Killing Floor are all eradication games rather than simply trying to survive. These games are still very fun but they don't depict the type of Zombie I like. The slow shambling terror thats moan can 'call' all nearby zombies.

In steps Project Zomboid. Its a survival game that sticks you right in a post apocalyptic world and tells you straight off 'This is how you died.' It is possible to survive for a long time, but very difficult. This is after all a survival game as well as a zombie game. You need to scavenge food, manage sickness, and create/find shelter.

Just when you think you have all that covered, Power and Water get turned off. All that perishable food you scavenged is now going to slowly rot. Hopefully you have been preparing for this and have farms and water collectors built and ready.

Killed all the nearby zombies and think its safe? Think again, with random gunshots and helicopters, the zombie hordes can and will cross the map. Some just may end up at your front door. 

The game isn't perfect and there are something that seem odd, such as why you can't just leave a pot out in the rain to collect water, but if you don't like something the game is easily moddable. One of the first things I modded into the game for instance what the ability to create wood nails (called trunnel or treenail) that could be used instead of scavenging for nails. Next was the ability to dry wet towels. I don't resent having to mod these 'basics' into the game, and rather appreciate the ability to. There are far too many games out there without the ability to mod things.

All in all the game is NOT perfect, nor is it finished. It is however the closest thing I have come in a game to the survival aspects of a zombie apocalypse. 

Books are better than Movies!

Okay, I previously put together a list of Movies that I enjoyed watching more than reading the Books. I promised I would put together a list of Books that I found better than the movies as well. This is that list. 

1) The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers: I loved Tom Bombadil in the first book and was very disappointed he was removed from the film. Yes it doesn't really contribute much to the mission they are on, but it adds a lot of flavor. While the first book is Hobbit heavy (the reason I disliked the third book) there is enough of the two fun hobbits (Merry and Pippin) that its still a better book than movie. 

2) World War Z: Three words, No Fast Zombies!

3) Harry Potter Series: Okay, I won't break down each book or give specifics events. The biggest thing is all the little flavor lore in the books that is missing from the movies, there is a TON of it. Probably next, which is common in books to movie adaptions is the characters thoughts. Reading the ideas and thoughts of the characters is important.

4) The Hobbit: This may not be fair as all three movies aren't out yet, but I am worried that the movies will become too drawn out. I loved The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins was awesome in it as were the dwarves. 

5) Chronicles of Narnia Series: Okay, again this may not be fair, there have been multiple attempts to adapt the series for movies and thus far no one has been able to complete it. While I have enjoyed the films that have been released, the books that are skipped over or missing just expand on the lore of Narnia too much.

6) Interview with the Vampire: I love the Vampire books by Anne Rice. When she "found god" and stopped writing them I was very disappointed. These were mature books about vampires who did vampire things rather than a love story. I found Interview to be very different from the others. While I was first reading it I can recall asking my mother who were favorite character in it was and was shocked to hear her say Lestat. I hated Lestat, and continued to hate him throughout the book. When the movie came around I didn't feel that same loathing for the character that I had when reading the book.

7) Queen of the Damned: What is wrong with this movie? Its okay and has some decent music but the real problem comes from the fact that it is a VERY BAD ADAPTION of not only one, but two books. This movie completely changes the back story for the main character of Lestat (who I will say is my favorite character in the series, Yes from loathed to my favorite) and then only spends about 10 minutes going over events from the Title namesake. The rest of the movie is a bad adaption of the preceding book 'The Vampire Lestat'. I will say that this movie is easily the worst film adaption I have ever seen.

8) The Shining: Okay this book is just plain scary. The movie is good, but this is the only book I have ever read to actually give me nightmares. I can recall reading it in winter during a snow storm and the way King describes the wind outside the hotel and my window just gave me goosebumps.

9) Bridge to Terabithia: It may be an age thing, but when I first read this book it reminded me a lot of 'On My Honor' a book I had read earlier (though this book was published first) and at the time it was only the second book to make me cry. I hated when Leslie died and Jesse loses his friend. The movie is good, but it didn't have the same effect on me as reading the book did.

So there you have my list. Its incomplete and probably won't ever be completed considering how much I read and watch movies. I know its not a very good mix of Genres, I mean the whole list is made up of either Horror or Fantasy. I apologize for that but it seems that a lot of Sci-Fi books that I have read haven't actually been turned into film. Nor have many of the historical fiction novels.

Its quite a shame really because I think that there would be some really good movies to be made from them.

My conversion to Rugby League

Back when I was in Maryland, I would watch both Rugby League and Rugby Union. After moving to New Zealand and watching more of both I noticed that the officials in Rugby League were terrible. Not only were they inconsistent in making calls, but even when they did make calls they were usually incorrect.

Not only this but if a call was reviewed by the TMO (television match official) the on-field official wouldn't make a call leaving it up to the TMO. This would be fine if not for the fact that "benefit-of-doubt" always went to the attacking team. So if the TMO wasn't sure what happened the attacking team would automatically get the call. I hated this.

These things led me to watch more Rugby Union, where the refs were more consistent.

In the past two years however Rugby Union officials have got much worse, often completely ignoring rules such as forward pass, hands-in-the-ruck, players leaving feet, incorrect entry, high tackles, and knock ons. Officials will also now go to the TMO and either make the call themselves without waiting for the TMOs decision, or in some cases, overrule the TMO and go with their own decision.

Rugby League meanwhile has rid itself of the "benefit-of-doubt" rule, requiring on-field officials to make a call which can then be confirmed, overruled, or upheld for lack of evidence. Officials now rule on knock-ons, forward passes, and illegal tackles much more often than in the past.

Considering I don't support any specific team in either form, I find i easy to flip from one to the other based on which i enjoy most at the moment, and the only I enjoy most will be the one with the most consistent officiating.

Of course Aussie Rules (AFL) is better than either.

List of Movies I enjoyed more than the book

I saw a list on Huffington Post of Movies that were just as good or better than their book counterpart. There were only a few on there that I had seen AND read but it got me thinking of my own list. So here it goes...

1) Return of the King: Why don't I like this book. It has some great moments in it, and the writing is fine. Its on par with the other two books in the Lord of the Rings series. No, the reason I don't like this book as much as its movie is because it focuses so much on Frodo and Sam. It gets to the point in Frodo's corruption that I just want to wring his neck myself and I was actively hoping that gollum would kill him.

2) Jurassic Park: SEE BELOW

3) The Lost World: Michael Crichton is just a little too long winded for me. I liked both books, but nowhere near as much as the movies.

4) The Bourne Series (Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum): The Movies don't follow the books and are completely different stories. The books are great, I just like the movies a bit more. I would not call this series an adaption of the books but rather borrowing the character and title.

This is in no way a complete list of Movies that are equal to their book, only movies that I enjoyed as much or more so. There are books like the Godfather which I should read...

Stay tuned for a list of books that are better than their movie.

Why I don't play DayZ

I find it weird to say but I love zombie entertainment. There are a few books I really like, movies, tv shows, games, and even radio dramas. I also enjoy survival games, and really, zombies and survival are perfect bedfellows. Recently I have been playing a lot of Project Zomboid and State of Decay.

So why don't I play DayZ? Well when it first came out I found it hard to install. Also whenever I tried to join a server I would get timed out for having a high ping. Now its easy to say, "Just join a server with a lower ping." and you would be right that for most part that is an easy solution. However that leads me to the next reason I didn't play... Different versions of the game. I'm not talking about different mods, I'm talking about different base game versions.

Every New Zealand server that had low ping also ran a different version of the game. There were some aussie servers that were alright, but they weren't very well populated. Now I'm sure these problems have been fixed with integrated Steam install, but have no idea. Why don't you host your own server? This brings me to the number 1 reason why I don't play DayZ. Players are unable to host their own servers.

This is true for both Standalone and the mod. Now I am okay with Multiplayer only games, but not when the user is unable to host the said game.

EDIT- April 1st, 2014: It has come to my attention that servers for the multiplayer only game RUST is also available only through sponsored hosts. You are unable to host your own private server for it. As the game is in early access this may change in the future. However there has been no word on whether or not that will occur.

As far as DayZ, I have also learned that you are unable to reserve player slots for servers, that means if the server you pay for is full, you can not join it until someone leaves. You are given no priority or special access to the server even if you are the one paying.

What is a chip?

I've lived in New Zealand now for close to four years and in that time I've come to accept that besides having no real cuisine of its own, it doesn't seem to have a common definition for what a chip is.

Since arriving in New Zealand I have seen many things called chips, so I am going to try to enlighten the country for what they should be calling the various fried potato sides you eat.

FRENCH FRIES (aka. SHOESTRINGS, FRIES)

These are the fried potatoes that you get at most fast food shops. They are long and thin, often cooked to the point that they are crunchy throughout. They can be curled around in a spring-like pattern to become curly fries.

CHIPS

These are the typical kind of fried potatoes that you will get in most New Zealand fish and chip places. They are slightly thicker than french fries and aren't as crisp. They have a much more potato taste as compared to fries. Americans will call these fries and often won't distinguish between them and french fries.

STEAK FRIES

These are fried potatoes cut slightly thicker than what New Zealanders call chips. Some may argue that they are the same as chips, however I have noticed that steak fries tend to be slightly larger and to contain more potato than chips.

POTATO WEDGES

The are a fried potato side that is cooked with the skin on. They tend to be roughly the same size as steak fries but to contain slightly more potato. They often have a crisp outer layer with a much softer inside.

POTATO CHIPS (aka. CRISPS)

Potato chips are potatoes that are cut extra thin and then fried.  They are completely crunchy and don't have any interior potato past that which has been exposed.

So whats all this tell us about the different Potato sides? Well for one thing theres too many of them. I have not seen any Steak Fries in New Zealand. Wedges are popular to make at home, Fries are only really common at fast food places, Chips are common at most take away restaurants, and Potato Chips are a very common snack food.

I personally don't care for most crisps or steak fries. There are crisps that are home made that are thicker cut which I like, but for the most part I avoid them. Steak fries don't have enough taste for me, I like wedges and chips though.

Space Question

I know that there are Binary star systems where two stars orbit a common center of gravity (often outside either star) and have a stable orbit.

Recently I have been taking part in Galaxy Zoo helping to classify images. I have seen a lot of merging pictures and it got me thinking. Can there actually be a Binary Galaxy. The real question here is can two Supermassive black holes (herein refereed to as SMBH) reach a stable orbit around each other without one of them becoming too dominant and sucking the other into it.

Everything we know suggests its not possible. It would require two black holes which have the same mass merging, and then it would require that each other those black holes grows at the same rate (so it doesnt grow too large and suck the other into it). Even if there is a very slight difference, over the course of billions of years it will lead to one of them cannibalizing the other.

Since it is believed that at the center of every galaxy is a SMBH that would mean there can never be a binary galaxy.

UPDATE 3/23/2014: After contacting 2 astronomers and 2 physicists, the results were somewhat surprising.

Both astronomers told me there are no observable binary galaxies in the universe that are in a stable orbit around each other. They also informed me that our own Milkyway galaxy is in a binary system with the Andromeda galaxy. We are not however in a stable orbit and are expected to merge within the life span of our own sun. What this tells me is that all binary galaxies are in the process of merging.

The physicists however disagreed and told me that it was entirely possible that somewhere out there a binary galaxy with two black holes at its core can exist. They did not comment on the possibility of multiple galaxies being in a stable orbit around each other.

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

I've been semi-following the story of MA-370. I found it interesting that flights could still just disappear as this one has. Various news sites began to report on the store just hours after the scheduled arrival time for the flight.

I first read about it about 2 hours after the scheduled arrival time on CNN. There was very little information, basically read as if a flight had got lost and they were trying to reestablish contact. When I first read it I figured that the flight had made an unscheduled landing somewhere and the airline forgot to inform the media. At this point its seeming unlikely this was the case.

Since then they have discovered a couple passengers were flying on stolen passports (which CNN was very quick to link to terrorism) but little else. Vietnam is cutting back on search efforts, and since hearing that Malasia Airlines is claiming that the flight may have gone west (closer to Vietnam) then what was originally thought.

What prompted this blog post though was a report on CNN, "Could meteor have hit Flight 370?" I love space, I love space games, I love sci-fi, I love images of space. I have been meaning to buy a telescope since I was 12. However looking for an extra terrestrial reason for what happened to this plane is completely insane.

Yes a meteor could have burned through the earth's atmosphere and struck the plane causing a sudden and violent decompression that tore the plane apart, but the chances of that are so astronomical that its almost just as likely that they were abducted by aliens. Actually statistically speaking it's far more likely that they WERE abducted by aliens than were killed by a meteorite. In-fact there has never been a human fatality that was caused by a meteorite.

I want to give my condolences to the families and friends of those who were on flight 370. I also want to remind people to keep it REAL. Thats a statement I never thought I'd make, but it seems like people have to be told every once in awhile. I mean come on CNN... A FUCKING METEORITE!? Thats something I expect on the tabloids.

UPDATE 3/23/2014: I thought CNN had reached rock bottom with this story and a potential meteorite. I was wrong. CNN has now suggested it got swallowed up by a small black hole "as occurs in the Bermuda triangle". Shoot me now, even Hitler's propaganda had more truth in it than the shit that is coming out of CNN these days.

Let me enlighten you CNN. There is no black hole in the Bermuda triangle. The reason ships get lost in the Bermuda triangle more than other places is because of a magnetic anomaly that screws with navigation systems. Back when ships were actually sailed by people who navigated by the stars, this area was not known as anything special. Infact it was a major trade lane between europe and the 'west indies'.

No Black hole can occur as you suggest. Not only would a black hole tear apart earth, it would tear apart our entire solar system and most likely the entire solar neighborhood. It is suggested that there are 'rogue' black holes that are not at the galactic center, but we honestly aren't entirely sure about that.